As I glanced in the backseat of my mini van, I saw the chubby little cheeks of my three year old daughter. She was happily telling me how she is now a big girl. She was telling me that she use to not be able to touch the window from her car seat and she couldn't buckle and unbuckle her car seat. Then she proudly told me all the things that she can do now that she is almost 4 years old.
As much as I love watching my girls grow up, I looked back at her and I thought to myself, "She doesn't know!"
She doesn't know..... that I still see that little baby that she use to be and I always will see her that way because I know what God was asking of me when he gave her to me. He was asking me to always love her and give her patience just as she needed as a newborn.
She doesn't know.....that I watch others moms post on Facebook and all of the amazing mom ideas on Pinterest and I am not intimidated. I don't feel guilt over not being perfect. Instead I am challenged to be the best mom ever and try to do the impossible. I want to follow the examples of other great moms.
She doesn't know....that I feel like a terrible cook and like I don't want to waste my time cooking. Yet, I set schedules and make plans to become the next gourmet mom (like my friend Shawna who is perfect at all things domestic!). I want to teach my little girl how to cook healthy, beautiful meals so I need to learn first! Sometimes, we even learn together!
She doesn't know....that I read books and spend hours after she goes to bed planning how to do even better the next day. I want to teach her things and be prepared for those teenage years and how to get her into the college that she will someday want to go to. Who knew there was so much homework in the job of being a mom??!!
She doesn't know...that I give her the silly part of me that very few people really get to see. I don't know why I struggle to fully just cut loose, but often my to do list is so long that I forget to just be silly. However, a three year old knows just the way to bring out that silly side of me! And I want to laugh with her! She is funny!
She doesn't know.... that I wanted to give her sisters so that she would have forever friends. And that I daydream about the future with my son-in-laws and lots of cousins all playing together.
She doesn't know.... that I read a book on the five love languages and that we each have different ones. Each day I make sure that I have done everything possible to make sure that I didn't just give love, but that she felt that love the way she needed to feel and experience it.
The truth is that someday she will know! She will know all of these things because we will have shared a million or more moments together making memories and she will know because I will talk to her about everything under the sun. I will share my hopes and dreams with her and she will share hers with me. I will share my passion for God and the way I live life with her and I will connect with her whenever she wants. I want to give her relationship. I want her to know that I take pleasure in being around her and watching her life develop. I want her to see that I find worth in her and that I will give time, money, and effort to that relationship because it is precious to my heart!
